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Introduction
The factors upon which marriage selections are determined is a
concern to all Islamic Communities.
Suppose one wants to undertake a journey. He has to have the
destination in mind to prepare him for the journey. In the
same way also one must consider his aim in life to be able to
select a spouse who would be helpful in achieving that aim.
Imam Ali ('a) was asked by the Holy Prophet ('s), as to
how he found Sayyeda Fatima ('a) and he replied; "I have found
her as a partner in Ibadah."
Allah says: I have not created jinn or human but for Ibadah. In
other words Sayyeda Fatima ('a) was found to be a partner
in reaching the purpose in life.
Allah (swt)
says in the Holy Qur'an :
Suratul
Baqarah:221-
"And
marry not idolater women until they believe; a believer
bondswoman is definitely better then an idolater ( free)
woman, even though she may allure you;
And give not in marriage ( your women ) to idolater men until
they believe; a believer bondsman is better then an idolater
(free) man; even though he may allure you;
they beckon (you) to the ( Hell) fire, and verily God
beckoneth (you) to the Garden and forgiveness by His leave,
and maketh clear His signs for men so that they may be mindful."
Iman
is the condition for spouse selection. Allah (swt)
says - even if you are pleased with some, but he/she is
not a Momin, do not take them as your spouse.
Surat An
Nur:
32-
"And
marry ye those among you who are single and those who are
righteous ones your male slaves and your female slaves;
If
they be needy, God out of His Grace will make them free from
want;
and God is All- Bounteous, All- Knowing".
Equality
– there should be equality between the two, this includes
intellect, knowledge and ideas.
Once a Muslim wrote to Imam Reza ('a) about making a
decision of giving his daughter's hand to an ill natured man.
To this Imam replied –do not give your daughter married to
him if he is of evil make.
Wealth
and beauty- The Holy Prophet ('s) said -
"One
who marries a woman for her wealth Allah (swt) leaves him in
his own condition and the one who marries a woman for beauty
he will see in her nothing but what he dislikes (unpleasant
matters) and the one one who marries her for the sake of her
faith ( religiousness) then Allah gathers up all these above
reasons (wealth and beauty) for him."
This being a very sensitive issue of our life, it is therefore important
that we give our mind and heart to it and always be cautious,
careful and alert in choosing your spouse, because what you
select today, is what you have to live with through out your
whole life.
The selection of a suitable spouse has a basic and fundamental
role in your success and prosperity or misery and misfortune
and therefore it is important to not make any
sentimental mistakes in this issue of your life.
“Be aware that you don’t be effected by any
misguidance”, as it would be very difficult to live,
cope or deal with an unsuitable and unequal spouse.
° Always
consider a family who has proposed.
° Also,
match the family of each other as a result of which all their
characteristics could match.
° Consider
both girl/boy whether they could live and be understanding
with each
other or not.
° For
both parties’ parents and elders advice is also necessary, as
they have more experience in their lives.
° Give
priority to the religion, faith and piety of a person, as he
will never oppress others or his wife.
The importance attached to marriage in our industrial society
of today is because it is the core of the formation of a new
family. Many observe that marriage is an institution for
performing family duties-that is, generating offspring,
bringing up children, transferring culture, and bringing order to relations between
individuals.
In the past, change came according to economic circumstances.
The lower the standard of living, the older grew nubile girls,
but it did not affect the marriage age of man. When there was
an economic recession or the harvest of crop was poor, girls
of low income families either married very young or didn’t
marry at all.
Marriage is a delicate heavenly relationship between members
of the opposite sex in order to guarantee the survival of the
species. The two become one in body and soul; thus their lives
and the society prosper.
Marriage is a partnership between a man and a woman aimed at
the formation of the family. Each inspires the other; each
complements the other. Their latent talents blossom and their
combined efforts give momentum to the development of the
society.
The Noble Prophet ('s) said:
“Next to his
faith in Islam, no Muslim man has benefited more greatly than
having a Muslim wife, in whose visage he sees the bliss of
life, who obeys him and keeps his wealth safe.”
 Young
people may believe in the bliss of married life, yet at the
same time fear the difficulties of marriage caused by economic
circumstances.
The expenses of married life are a great problem facing
today’s youth but this should not be remedied by avoiding
marriage. Young people should strengthen their religious
beliefs and put their trust in Allah, as He helps those who
trust Him, especially in providing them with the means of
marriage.
Young
people should have great ambition to succeed in life, relying
on their own efforts. They can be certain of Allah’s
blessings.
At
the threshold of matrimony, a bride and groom should not
expect to live beyond their means. A modest living would do at
the outset.
Cut
down on unnecessary expenses. Both the families should not
demand luxuries: rather, they should teach the young couple
how to be economical.
As Imam Jaffar as Sadiq ('a) said;
“Allah’s favours
is for those who encourage unmarried people to get married.”
Young people having reached the age of maturity, should plan
for their future. Allah has not created man to spend his time
idly. Man should try and reach moral and intellectual
perfection and choose a spouse to ensure each other a happy
married life.
Marriage is give and take. A great problem these days
is the increasing rate of divorce whereby more than 60% of
marriages end up in divorce. The root cause of divorce is ever
– increasing disagreements between husbands and wives.
However, misunderstandings do not always account for divorce.
Marital disagreements usually occur in every married life
hence the two sides should not always harp on each other’s fault. Minor disagreements shouldn’t be magnified.
Husbands and wives should approach the best and most logical
way to solve problems in their lives. Experience has shown
that if a man or woman changes his or her behaviour for the
better, it will improve their relationship.
It is the responsibility of parents to create favourable
conditions for their mature children to get married. It is one
of the rights of the children over their parents. From the
Islamic point of view, whenever any girl or boy fears that he
or she may get drawn into sin, if he or she doesn’t get
married, then it is the right time to get married. And parents
should not bring in undue excuses to delay the marriage of
their children.
The mutual emotional interdependence between man and woman is
a basic human need that ensures the healthy continuation of
the human race and grants peace and serenity to the hearts.
These natural needs are best satisfied within the institution
of marriage, the foundation of which is based on love,
affection, understanding and sacrifice. Marriage cannot
function powerfully under force, strictness and pressure and
if the values like support, understanding, compassion and
adjustment are not the foundation of a family, then it would
be rendered hollow and baseless. Love, tenderness, care and
kindness are the values that make family life sweet and
powerful and married life a success and without its presence,
relationships between its members would be manipulative and
selfish.
Having goals in our lives guides and supports us in making our
moves. Goals give direction to our lives and helps us to know
where to invest our lives and to what extent. It is very
important for us to know where we are heading. We should set up
goals in all aspects of life including education, career and
also marriage. Lack of goals and aims in life, leads to loss
of direction and hopes.
Marriage is not a simple matter and should not be taken for
granted. Purposeless marriages, which are based on fantasies
and infatuation, are hollow and lack the required warmth and
their foundations are shaky and weak and since the couples are
ignorant about the secrets of marriage, they fail to enjoy a
healthy-married life.
Most family disagreements stem from the fact that the young
people who enter into marriage are not clear about their
purpose in marriage and life. The young couples that enter
into marriage must know that the purpose of marriage is not
only to satisfy their desires but also to create love, and
peace. Marriage is the beginning of a life of partnership and responsibilities. When a person enters into
marriage, besides love and closeness, he/she also gets a new
identity and a new sense of responsibility, which if the young
couples take for granted then the purpose of marriage, is not
fulfilled.
Marriage and family life is a natural and at the same time
delicate and important development in the life of every youth.
It requires both sides to be equally prepared before stepping
into it. Parents should prepare their sons and daughters to be
strong enough to face any challenges and hardships in life.
Reasons for divorce is unwarranted expectations, which the two
parties have of each other. These expectation are
related to their status in the society, sexual relations,
whether one or both of the spouses are renowned, physical
health, financial security and the role that both parties
play in the marriage, as this may be very influential in the
strengthening of the family foundation. Children whose parents
are not happy in their married life, become affected by the
family disputes.
-
One
should achieve self knowledge for a successful family life.
-
Both
should accept one another's mistakes and love him/her with all
his/her faults and finer points.
-
Respect
each other and should not do anything to cause disrespect or
hatred to the other party.
-
Hold
themselves and their spouse in high regard, and beware to
act according to their own opinions as all people are different.
-
Each
party should accept the other and not compare each other with
others as this causes psychological injury to themselves.
-
Married
couples should try in their domestic lives to foster their
talents, so that they become acquainted with their particular
talents in various fields on a daily basis, so the more
valuable their lives will be.
-
Should
form close relation to those who are good and well rooted family, calm and well support people.
-
It is also
necessary to have close, active affectionate and at the same time healthy and well rooted relationships with others in
order to prevent family disputes.
The Most Important Factors That Can Cement Marriage Are:
-
Honesty
-
Love
-
Co-operation
-
Understanding
-
Sacrifice and
-
Forgiveness.
END
Author: Al Mahdi (A.S) Centre (Ladies Wing)
Photographer: Fasi Abbas Khaiser
Chief Editor: Hj Nurzaynab El-Fatah
Production: Hj S. Abidin
Published Date:
24 Shobaan, 1424
Modification Date: 27th
January, 2009.
Publication ID: 04spouseSel. Spouse
Selection
Copyright: © Victory News Magazine, 2010
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